M.O.A.O.

In April of 2007, my family and I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area for my dad’s job. We went to a church called Cornerstone Fellowship and that became our home church. I met a lot of new people and made some new friends through high school small groups that met in homes. I met the most beautiful and most outgoing girl I had ever met there, Jamie Esmeyer. I actually thought she was way too outgoing and had way too much energy when we first met. She showed an interest in me, so I starting hanging out with her more often to just get to know her and to see what she was all about. The more I hung out with her, the more attractive she became as a sister in Christ and the more I got to know the Jamie underneath all the crazy, outgoing, energetic personality. I started seeing her as God did through Christ, precious.
We started dating on January 12th of 2008 which began our commitment of getting to know each other better to better discern our compatibility. This also began God’s plan to show me truly what agape love is and how I fall way short of how He agape loves me. I am have been continually growing since to show this love that Christ first showed me. Jamie has and is a major part of God conforming me more and more to His image.
There was a time while I was here at NTBI that something changed in me. I noticed that I wasn’t spending as much time talking to Jamie or explaining all the cool stuff going on here at NTBI. Jamie recognized this also and confronted me about it. She wasn’t asking for a lot, just a bit of my time during the day. At first, I didn’t want to listen to her and thought she was being too controlling. This was just plain selfish of me though to not take into account Jamie’s wants and desires to spend time talking to me. I needed to put her needs first and serve her as Christ served me and give up my wants and desires as Christ did for me. “Father if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” This is an example of true agape love the Son showed toward the Father.
I am realizing more and more how sinful we both are and how we are no better than the other person. We will both hurt each other and let each other down. It’s not a matter of if but when. Because of who we are in Christ though, we have the obligation and privilege to honor, respect, and forgive each other in spite of those hurts and let downs. I am obligated to love her unconditionally. I have the opportunity to empty myself and my flesh for her, to lay aside my selfishness to serve her, to show her my adoring love for her. All this to love and suffer like God does for us.
It has definitely been a very difficult time here to show these, and it will be in the future too. I have learned to look to Jamie only for my female relational needs. I haven’t been able to see her face to face which has shown me to admire her inside beauty and not focus on the external. I am required to love her unconditionally, no matter what the circumstance or season in our relationship. I have realized that she is different than me, that we don’t think alike and that she is more emotionally driven, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different. I realize that I am not emotionally driven but am gung ho and don’t attach many emotions to my actions. I use my reason and logic, which isn’t wrong. It’s just different. This is the way God has designed most males and females.
I am recently learning how to better respect and care for her emotions and jealousy about the time I should spend with other girls here at school. Through some circumstances, she expressed her concern and feelings about this situation. It took a lot for me to understand where she was coming from and I still can’t fully understand, but I do realize that I was not being above reproach. I have since made boundaries for myself on how much time I spend with other females, not spending any “one on ones” with any other females, and limiting my phone usage with any other females. These boundaries are helping to prevent even any type of accusations or presumptions of my loyalty to Jamie.
The greatest relational insights I have learned is that mutual agape love brings joy in any relationship and that our friendship is the most important in our relationship. The agape love that sacrifices, that suffers, that is patient, that is kind. “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I am so grateful for Jamie in my life to help me grow personally to more reflect Christ.